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| That didn't take long.
a Blackheart Angel @ Xanga
Tread lightly.
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| This weblog has been my venting ground for a long time. For
years, it was where I came to still feel connected to... something,
anything beyond my pathetic, empty, lonely life. My life was
different then. I began this when I had no home 'Net access, and
no job, and no true hope for the future. Over the last two years,
though, my life has slowly changed completely. I've been working
at the same place for over a year now. I'm out of my mom's, and
have been all this year. I know I bitch a lot about my roommate,
but it's just more of the traditional venting. If I didn't do
that, I probably would have actually gone back by now, and then things
would really be messed up.
Erikonthemoon was always about how disconnected I feel from the world,
and from the people that matter to me. Well, recently, that has
changed. I've returned to the online world I lost so long ago,
but I'm a different person now than who I was when I disappeared from
it.
Thus, I've devised an online relaunch.
Soon, this weblog will end. All the old posts will remain, but
after my new Xanga site is set up, there will never again be a new post
here.
I just set up a new e-mail address to go with the new online "persona."
My new AIM s/n is still "under construction."
Also, I've decided that I will design a website. What exactly it
will be about is something I'm not quite ready to talk about... but
soon.
Soon, erikonthemoon will cease to exist.
But I am not going anywhere. 
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| DAMNIT! MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH!
I pour my heart and soul out here, and then the fucking site fucks up, I have to restart my computer just to get back here, and my entry didn't post!
Well, here's the gist of it: I hate Jeff now. He's an immature bitch. Stole a damn pack of ciggs, and a whole mess of other fucking bullshit. My mother was right, and I've stayed here this long just to try to prove her wrong, but I can't: living with my so-called "best friend" has destroyed our friendship. We can't stand to be in the same room 'less we're playing Ultima Online. He lost or quit his job this past weekend, no one's quite sure. And I hate him.
I hate hate. Blah blah blah.
I'm gonna lose the 'Net again because I'm gonna eventually (probably this week) have to move back in with my mother, and THIS is gonna be my last experience posting on Xanga? Typing up the most honest, heart-wrenching (for me, anyway) blog I've ever created for this damn thing, and I LOST IT?
Damn Xanga.
Damn Jeff.
Damn my mother for being right.
Damnit. | | |
| Games.
I hate games.
I'm not talking about things like Ultima Online, Magic: The Gathering, anything PS2, D&D, or anything like that... though I'm not really too much into any of them, really.
I mean mind games.
Silence.
Innuendo.
Subtly.
And then expecting ANYTHING.
If you can't say it to my face, without any doubt of being misunderstood, then I don't hear it. I'm not exactly an upfront person... but that's because no one ever has been with me. So, no one can ever expect me to do or be anything for them until they are honest with me. Until then, I will continue to be the same old confused, stupid asshole I've always been. And that will never change. I will not stop fucking things up quietly until one person - just fucking ONE - can be straight with me.
And no one ever will. Because everyone is stubborn and blind.
Well, I won't be any different.
Ever.
I can live alone forever and still be content, as long as I have my writing.
And nothing can take that away from me.
Gods help all the people around me if anything ever did. | | |
| We will go through the motions
We will follow all the leads
We will enter every trap
We will falter in each step
You will think you know the end
You will never have a doubt
It will be just like before
But it will never end the same
For we are the many
For we are as one
We have seen the true beyond
We are the door and the key
We have seen and serve that end
And our tool... is me | | |
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